Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Black Friday is Decadent and Depraved

Without so much as an "excuse me," a Long Island man was trampled to death by members of his own community. The 34 year-old Wal-Mart employee
was unlocking the store for Black Friday when he was suddenly stampeded by a
massive herd of ravenous bargain hunters. A relentless wall of combative
rubber soles and spiked heels pounded the life from the man with rabid
impatience. His "Welcome to Wal-Mart" smile was stomped into a grotesque
collage of mud, gravel, dog crap, and dried up globs of chewed neon bubble
gum. With the taste of blood in their mouths the savage mob continued the
assault, decimating the store in an onslaught of insatiable gluttony, while
barely noticing the casualties left in their wake. All to save a few coins.

This situation is typical of the annual post turkey day marketing marvel.
Deal seekers sick with material lust scavenge for scraps and prey on the
weak like a pack of feeding hyenas. Needless to say, Black Friday is not for
the timid. With the turning of a single key, the spirit of the holiday
season is trampled, gang raped, and left to rot. The stench is enough to
make any self-respecting citizen vomit on their sweater. Here is American consumerism in all its glory: Humanity stripped bare to its most primitive level.
"The horror, the horror..."

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